I Thought I Lost My Ambition

For a while now, I’ve been wondering what happened to me.

I used to have so much drive.

I was ambitious. I had big ideas. I wanted to accomplish things. I could work all day and somehow still have energy for whatever I wanted to do next.

I wanted to be successful.

When I was younger, I had a very specific picture of what that looked like. I wanted to be a successful businesswoman. I wanted the nice car. I wanted to look put together. I wanted people to respect me. I wanted to be influential.

More than anything, I wanted to do something that mattered.

And somewhere along the way, I started to wonder if that version of me had disappeared.

Because now?

I'm tired.

A lot.

There are mornings when I wake up already dreading the day. I get up because that's what you do. I go to work. I handle my responsibilities. I pay the bills. I do all the things adults are supposed to do.

But that excitement I used to have?

It's been missing.

For a while, I've wondered if maybe this is just what getting older feels like.

Maybe I lost my drive.

Maybe I'm not as ambitious as I used to be.

Maybe the woman who wanted to take on the world just isn't who I am anymore.

But lately, something has been happening that has made me question that.

I don't think I lost my ambition.

I think it got bored.

There’s a Difference Between Being Unmotivated and Being Uninspired

I've spent a lot of my life hearing things about myself that, over time, I think I started to believe.

I can't sit still.

I'm always looking for the next thing.

I'm too serious.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have?

I've even questioned my own ability to commit because I've made changes throughout my career and relationships.

But when I really think about it, commitment has never been my problem.

I commit deeply to the things and people I care about.

What I've struggled with is staying excited when I'm no longer learning, creating, growing, or feeling like what I'm doing matters.

And maybe those aren't the same thing.

Maybe I've spent too much time labeling myself as restless when what I really am is curious.

Maybe wanting to grow doesn't mean I'm incapable of being content.

Maybe ambition isn't something I need to apologize for.

Then Something Started Waking Me Up

I've been building something lately.

It's still small. It's new. I have absolutely no idea what it will eventually become.

But I've noticed something about myself while I'm doing it.

I get excited.

I can spend an entire day feeling tired, frustrated, and completely drained, and then I'll sit down to write something.

Suddenly I have energy.

One idea turns into another.

I start creating something, designing something, changing something on my website, thinking about a conversation I had or something I want to write about.

And I don't want to stop.

Eventually my body wins and reminds me that yes, I am still tired. 😂

But those moments have shown me something I really needed to see.

She's still in there.

That ambitious woman didn't disappear.

She wasn't gone.

She just hadn't had much to be excited about.

Maybe Ambition Changes

Here's the other thing I'm realizing.

I'm not sure I want everything the younger version of me wanted anymore.

I still like a nice car. Let's not get carried away. 😂

I still want to be successful. I still want to be respected. I still want to accomplish things.

But my definition of success has changed.

I don't want success at the expense of my life.

I want freedom.

I want to wake up excited about my day.

I want to create.

I want to help people.

I want meaningful conversations.

I want time with the people I love.

I want to be able to take care of myself without feeling like everything else has to fall apart to make room for it.

And yes, I still want to accomplish big things.

Maybe more than ever.

I just want those accomplishments to mean something different now.

What Does Finding Your Ambition Again Look Like?

I wonder how many of us have decided we're lazy, unmotivated, tired, or just "not who we used to be" when maybe that's not the whole story. Maybe finding your ambition again isn't about becoming who you used to be. Maybe it's about discovering what excites the person you are now.

Maybe we've been doing the same things for so long that nothing feels new anymore.

Maybe we've spent years taking care of responsibilities while slowly putting away the things that make us curious.

Maybe we've listened to other people's opinions about who we're supposed to be.

Maybe we're exhausted.

Or maybe some part of us is simply waiting for something that makes us want to get up again.

I don't think the answer is to chase excitement every second of our lives. Real life isn't exciting all the time. There will always be responsibilities, boring Tuesdays, bills, laundry, work, and things we'd rather not do.

But I do think there's something worth noticing when you find the thing that changes your energy.

The thing you start talking faster about.

The thing you lose track of time doing.

The thing that makes you think, What if?

Because maybe you didn't lose your ambition.

Maybe it changed.

Maybe it got buried under responsibility, exhaustion, expectations, and years of doing what needed to be done.

Or maybe, like mine...

It just got bored.

And maybe it's time to give it something to be excited about again.

– Mandee ❤️